Where was it exactly I was going with this? Glad you asked. While it might be a fair comment to say that I’ve probably been overthinking these matters, I truly believe there exists a parallel with our peculiar human mental idiosyncrasies and the fitness modalities civilized society tends to favor. Of course, when I speak of such things, I’m referring to the select few in this soft, spoiled culture of ours that make any sort of effort at all for such endeavors. While fitness-ing admittedly may not have been what John Steinbeck had in mind when he penned this warning to his American readers: “We now face the danger, which in the past has been the most destructive to the humans: Success, plenty, comfort, and ever-increasing leisure. No dynamic people has ever survived these dangers”, one can easily draw a connection between these chilling words and the contemporary lifestyle of the domesticated human animal; with or without the tough economic times.

To paraphrase John DuCane of Dragon Door publishing (so succinct, I doubt I could’ve put it better if I tried, so I won’t), most Americans that exercise do so more out of a sense of pride or vanity (i.e., the desire to “look good nekkid”) rather than from an absolute need to survive in a hostile world. The man is definitely onto something. Going back to my earlier ramblings about bears and bloodsuckers, this observation of his may shed light on some of the reasons behind the three decade deluge of wacky late night infomercial “fitness” equipment; “guaranteed” to fry our fat, blast our buns, and balance the deficit or-your-$$$-back(TM), and the mind boggling assortment of machines and devices found in the standard commercial gym. Once again, it seems we seek entertainment over all else, even when it comes to corporeal upkeep, by engaging in multitudes of bizarre exercises of dubious value–the “Shakeweight,” anyone?–and all the while drifting from one method to another with all the focus and attention span of a ferret hopped up on a double espresso. At least until boredom inevitably sets in.

In short, we have a tendency to be preoccupied with the fluff, and it comes at the expense of downplaying or utterly neglecting what is genuinely productive for what we seek. While deep down most of us probably do realize this fact, let’s spell it out right now: the best training methodologies for whatever your stated fitness goals may be have already been invented, and chances are have been in use for quite a long time. It’s simply a matter of acknowledging this, and grabbing ourselves by the bootstraps. Contrary to what the multibillion dollar fitness industry wants us to come to terms with, achieving these goals doesn’t really require much in the way of equipment nor monetary investment. Not an expensive gym full of shiny toys, nor the latest greatest 500-calorie recovery shake, and certainly not any of the magical pills they’ve been peddling. What it does require are a handful of attributes that any number of well-meaning folks have tried to pass along to us in the past–hard work, dedication, and being able to discern/distill what is useful, and discard what is not. Believe you me, it makes my eyes roll wetly in their sockets just like yours when I hear that one hauled out for the umpteenth time, but some things you just can’t get around.

Despite the unabashed bemusement that I have been expressing, I genuinely do sympathize with those who feel lost on this path, and how daunting it can be when everyone and everything is trying to shove a different map in your face. And the irony is not lost on me that by virtue of contributing to this blog, I may well end up being nothing more than just another pontificating jackass on the internet muddying the waters. Best I can do is declare upfront that my word isn’t even on the same planet as gospel, and that there never has been, nor likely ever will be a one-size-fits-all approach to these matters (and let the record show that I am never too proud to admit when I just don’t know). If you enjoy the chop suey I’ll be shucking here and you’re able to incorporate even a bit into your day to day, I’ll do what I can to keep the good stuff coming–the hard lessons “learned in the trenches” of what does and doesn’t work that I’ve gathered over the last two decades of training myself and coaching others.

(Thanks for the soapbox and the kind words, dood.)

Let’s be careful out there.