Sardine Taste Test #1

Posted on October 20, 2011 by bayoubabylon

October is a time to celebrate all things scary.

And to some people, there’s not much that is scarier than the prospect of eating canned fish. Like, whole ones. Bones and all.

Long time ago, before everyone could afford to eat fresh stuff all the time, sardine canneries dotted the coastlines of the Northeast and Northwest of the United States. The can of sardines was omnipresent in almost every working class home.

Nowadays, there isn’t one sardine cannery left in the United States. Sure, there are American companies, like Beach Cliff, who sell cans of sardines, but you just don’t see the canneries as much anymore.

Why? Because no one eats them. Most people I know have either never tried sardines out of a can and never will, or they have tried them and they don’t like them.

I won’t bore you with details on the death of the sardine industry in America, but it is an interesting story. If you want more info on the history of sardines, I would recommend this article from the NY Times.

I don’t think that sardines are any one particular type of fish. Personally, I am of the opinion that a “sardine” really just means “really small fish”, but I think that most of the sardines that you will find at the store these days are herring.

What do sardines have to do with getting fit? Omega-3’s. Here’s an article about why we should all be eating more sardines.

What do sardines have to do with Dragon*Con? Not shit, unless you count the fact that if you just polished off a can of sardines you may as well have doused yourself in pussy repellant, because now your breath smells like a seal’s asshole.

So it doesn’t have anything to do with Dragon*Con. In case you haven’t noticed, most things on this site don’t, other than in an intangible “Dragon*Con Encompasses All Eccentric Interests” kind of way. It does have something to do with Halloween though because, as I said, the prospect of actually ingesting a sardine is more terrifying to some people than showing up to Dragon*Con sans costume. That said, I may hand out cans of sardines to trick or treaters this year. (“Here ya go, kids! Nutritious and delicious semi-raw fish!”)

That may be an excellent way to get my house rolled. But it may be worth it just to see the looks on their faces. Decisions, decisions….

Before we get to the main event, I have a confession to make…

I have eaten sardines my whole life. I grew up eating them and I still eat them on a semi-regular basis. Sometimes I’ll get a hankerin’ for some good old-fashioned garbage, and that’s when I’ll go up to the store and buy several tins of “herring snacks” (as they are often called).

Still, not all sardines are created equal. I have had sardines that tasted like a chorus of angelfish were singing in my mouth, and then I’ve had sardines that tasted like the cat had already eaten them once already.

Many times, you can get two tins of the same kind of sardine and they will taste vastly different! Say you buy two cans of “Beach Cliff Brand Sardines with Hot Green Chilis”. The first can may have 10 sardines and one pepper slice, while the next can may have 4 sardines and what looks to be a whole frackin jar of jalapenos dumped in there. One may taste fresh, while the other may taste like it’s been on the bottom shelf at Big Lots for 30 years. You just never know, the sardine can is like a game of roulette if a game of roulette involved the chance of eating 10-year-old rotten fish on accident.

Today’s contenders in “Sardine Taste Test #1” (there will be others) are:

Brunswick Sardines with Olive Oil

Judging by the name “Brunswick”, I’m guessing these are Canadian sardines. I’ve had good luck with the Brunswick brand before, and Olive Oil is good for you, I think, so hopefully Lady Luck will see us through the day without a vehement case of botulism.

King Oscar Sardines with Olive Oil

…aaaand King Oscar sardines, Two Layers of them, apparently! The vague connection with some sort of royalty makes me think that these are going to be better than the Brunswick sardines. This also features Extra Virgin Olive Oil, which for some reason I think is better than the regular olive oil found in the Brunswicks. Olive Oil may make a good “Fitness Jeopardy” topic, because I am obviously uninformed about it.

Opened Can of Brunswick

This is the can of Brunswick sardines, opened. I thought I had taken a picture of the King Oscar sardine can opened up, but apparently I forgot in the heat of the moment. I guess I just got all excited when I opened up the King Oscars and it had like 30 sardines in it, which were all about the size of my thumbnail. These Brunswicks have about 5 sardines packed in there, along with the aforementioned olive oil.

Today the sardines will be served with…

Cracked Pepper Triscuits

Triscuits. Crackers are the standard way of serving sardines, at least to me. I doubt that crackers are very good for you, but since Triscuits taste like they are made from the bark of a tree, they must not be too bad for you. Triscuits are the Grape Nuts of the cracker world, meaning that they are xxxtreme!!!!! No one can half-ass eat Triscuits (or Grape Nuts), ya gotta be dedicated to the revolution in your cracker snacking needs.

Also, tea…

"England's Favorite!"

This shit claims to be “England’s Number One Tea!”, which I have paraphrased above to mean “England’s Favorite!” It’s only number one because it is cheap. It’s pretty much just regular ol tea, nothing fancy, but not too terrible either.

(((Oh snap. Tonight I’m going to see Ghostbusters at my local cinema and it starts soon, so the rest of this post may feel a bit rushed. Sorry, but bustin’ makes me feel gooder than posting on this blog about canned herring snacks.)))

I really wish I had that pic of the opened can of King Oscars…

I started with the Brunswicks. The Olive Oil was a little much, for me. I normally prefer the ones with hot peppers, but thought this olive oil bidness might be better for me. Overall, even though they didn’t look as nice as the King Oscars, they were quite palatable, as tinned whole fish go. Crunchy little backbones and everything. Pretty good. They tasted fishy, but complaining about sardines tasting fishy is like complaining that a turd tastes like shit. I might would buy this type again. I will definitely be eating Brunswicks again soon, but just maybe not these Olive Oil types.

Then I moved on to the King Oscars, which looked like a little colony of fish packed in there. The King Oscars are like the ewoks to Chewbacca. Chewbacca may be great, but there’s so few of him, while there are loads of ewoks, so they just look more impressive.

What a stupid analogy. And right now I’m in an anti-Star Wars funk, from which I may never recover, following my cousin exposing me to the remade Max Rebo Band scene in Return of the Jedi.

Anyway.

FUCKING GROSS. The King Oscars were so small and oily that they melted in my mouth, which is good when you’re talking about chocolates, but not when you’re talking about tiny “kippered” fish.

King Oscar has been really good in the past, so I don’t know what went wrong with this particular can, but they were one of the most horrible cans of sardines I have ever eaten (and this is coming from a guy whose favorite brand of sardines useta be called “Possum Brand”). Needless to say, I ate them all, just to be sure.

And, to be sure, they were completely disgusting throughout the entire ordeal.

I guess I should have taken pictures of the empty cans, just to show that I actually did eat them all, but I guess you could claim that I could have dumped them in the trashcan, which is, realistically, where those King Oscars should have been all along. Right next to the floppy celery I discovered this morning.

So, try some sardines. I promise that there are good ones out there.

Meantime, I’ll be watching the Ghostbusters save the city of New York from Gozer, the taxi cab ghost, and all manner of other paranormal activities.

Posted in About Fitness, About Me | 15 Comments

the JFZ & Surf II Watchalong

Posted on October 19, 2011 by bayoubabylon

I know I haven’t talked much about fitnessing lately. Rest assured, that as long as I’m posting on this blog that I am keeping up with my exercisms. Even when I’m not posting I’m keeping up with them. Like yesterday.

Yesterday and today I followed my friend’s advice and did weight-lifting first, and then cardio. It works out ok, except  that the Whirly Bird is upstairs, which means I hafta walk up the stairs to get to it, and a lot of times after hitting the Trilogy of Terror, I just don’t feel like it. (((as a side note, someone asked me the other day what the Trilogy of Terror was, exactly. If you’ll click on the “about fitfordragoncon” tab, there is a glossary included for your convenience)))

Let me rephrase that. After hitting the ToT, I often feel like I may faint, or yack, or both. This means I don’t feel like walking up the steps to the Whirly Bird’s hangar.

For food, I’ve been eating more beef because I need some protein. Yesterday for lunch I had a steak (which I cooked in the pan. it turned out ok, but not great) and some eggs. A couple nights ago, me and the wife went out and I got a steak, some grilled veggies, and some steamed broccoli. Steamed broccoli makes me fart like the dog in Soggy Bottom USA. I blew the covers off the bed that night.

Fall weather is moving in finally. Today on the way to the JFZ I turned on the heater! Goodbye stupid Summer!!! I hate you and don’t ever come back!!!!

Surf II 

This is the official “Surf II Watchalong”. Why do I call it a “watchalong”? Because I have never seen this movie before, so we’re gonna watch it together.

Someone uploaded it to youtube, so I’m gonna go ahead and post this post with “Part 1” already on it. Then, I watch it and come back and post my thoughts on Part 1 and also post Part 2, and so on and so forth.

I have never seen Surf II, but from what I’ve heard, it’s NSFW as a mothereffer, so you might not wanna get caught watching it.

A friend of mine recommended it after I posted about Bikini Car Wash Company, if that gives you any idea. He claims that it’s like that movie, except it’s a horror-comedy. I think he mentioned Eric Stoltz, zombies, and something about people drinking motor oil. And, of course, T&A.

From what I can tell, there is no Surf I or Surf III, which places this next to Leonard Part 6, as one of the flicks where someone thought it would be real funny to have a sequel to a movie that never existed in the first place. I hafta admit, it is kinda funny.

I also have never seen Surf II referred to as “Surf 2”, which makes me think that the “II” may hold some significance as the movie drags on and on and on…

Anyway, here it is, “Surf II Part 1″…

Ok, so apparently its subtitle is “the End of the Trilogy” so clearly the title of “Surf II” is meant for comedic effect.

title screen. looks all artsy n shiiit.

After watching Part 1, we can tell a few things already:

First, there’s not going to be as much T&A as I thought there would be. The chick at the end of Part 1 who is under an outdoor shower, I assume, would definitely have been completely neckid if this was Bikini Car Wash Company. Bikini Car Wash Company would have shown about 30 sets of boobies by now, whereas I have counted 4 so far. And highly pixelated ones at that. Those girls should be ashamed.

Second, the humor seems to be of the “Naked Gun” variety. “Chief Boyardee”??? Ha!

Third, Buzz cola could eventually turn into some kind of political/ social statement about materialism and our addiction to drink/eat whatever we are told to. If this is the case, I’m hoping it takes a backseat to the humor, zombies, motor oil consuming, etc. And whatever that alien thing was at the beginning that ate those surfers (“Bummer!”). Good to see a young Eric Stoltz before he got too serious and shit.

Moving on to Part 2…. (there’s 10 of these, so we won’t tarry too long over each one)

Gay humor. Great. “Didn’t I remind you to put the gay magazines next to the fruit juices???” Insinuating that drinking juice is for the gay folk. Or that if you drink fruit juice, you must be gay. Either way, I’m not surprised, since this kind of humor was everywhere in early 80’s comedies (including Monster Squad).

So I guess the three “punk rockers” who show up at the arcade are the three surfers who got jacked at the beginning. Did teenagers ever hang out in the arcade? I mean real teenagers, 16-18 year-olds like these guys are supposed to be, not 13-15 year olds who are dropped off there by their parents and don’t really have a choice. If this is true, being a teen in the early 80’s must have been totally radical cowabunga.

Once again, as in a lot of late 70’s and early 80’s comedies, the “nerd” is the bad guy. I’m almost positive that the nerd in this is the same guy who played Eugene in Grease. This guy must have made a decent living playing nerds in like every high school movie from about 1975 until 2008.

I never knew that nerds hated surfers, but you learn something new every day. I don’t feel compelled to hate surfers though because I identify with both ethnic groups.

Also, I have a feeling that Buzz cola is up to no good…

Part 3:

Finally, more boobs! But they are immediately cancelled out by a fat guy’s butthole. Why do us wildebeests always gotta be stupid and the butt of every joke? (heh heh heh)

Hanging at the public beach is a total bummer…

Until you can get some booze and hang out with hot chicks and brag about how you kicked some geek’s ass.

Then your girlfriends (?) show up and almost get you killed and/or put in prison by wrongfully accusing you of being a murderer. The cops, thankfully, are suitably moronic.

Still no zombies.

Part 4:

So we learn that Eugene was once a surfer himself. I’m guessing that he was the geek that got “pounded” by Eric Stoltz’s co-star. Now he wants revenge.

His girlfriend is also, naturally, a homely nerd herself, but he puts her in a suitcase or something to keep her hot.

We also finally get some motor oil drinking. “40 WEIGHT!” I wonder what that is that the actor is really drinking. Looks like mud. It’s probably some kind of chocolate milkshake.

Part 5:

So their friend who drank the Buzz has now completed his change to punk rocker. We know this because now he’s only interested in trashing his bedroom and listening to the Circle Jerks. Apparently, according to whomever wrote this movie, “punk rockers” are the opposite of surfers. I’ve always thought they were kind of related, but I was obviously wrong. I guess Eugene thinks that if he turns everyone into punk rockers that they’ll be more interested in going to shows and drinking cheap beer than surfing, leaving him to win the upcoming surf contest. That’s my guess, anyway.

He’s also moved on to antifreeze, away from the motor oil.

Watching a movie in a movie is always a good way to fill out some time. Eugene shows up to the surf flick with his girlfriend looking like David Bowie and the the guys pull the old “flaming bag of shit” trick on him, inside the theatre! I’ve been known to get up to some hijinks in the cinema, but I don’t think I’ve ever lit anything on fire. Much less a paper bag full of feces.

David Bowie tries to warn the guys, and punk rockers eat the film. These are some weird zombies, it seems like they’re not even interested in eating brains!

Buzz Cola must be gaining in popularity, because Eugene takes his ol lady to a restaurant staffed entirely by his punk rocker creations!!!

Part 6:

I love movies that show fat guys as having superhuman strength. It means I can sometimes intimidate Hardbodies who have seen lots of movies from the 80’s.

This segment features the beach party that they’ve been hyping up. You can’t argue with girls shaking their boobs and butts to a ska band. Well, I guess you can, but I won’t.

The fat guy has an eating contest with the head zombie, whose name I think is “Yakko”. A human, no matter how fat he is, just does not stand a chance in an eat-off with a zombie punk rocker. Regardless of all that, this is the obligatory “gross out” scene.

The very last frame shows that submarine back. That thing totally looks like the eye of that creature in the junkwater room onboard the Death Star in Star Wars.

Part 7:

At long last, the zombies attack humans after a newly-minted one bites a cop’s foot! Those new zombies are always the meanest. They got something to prove.

Eugene’s turncoat girlfriend helps the guys escape and they capture a zombie and take it to their science teacher’s house, where he dissects it and discovers something that we suspected all along: that the zombies are robots. Of course they would be, since the mastermind behind this scheme was Eugene the Nerd, taking one straight out of the Scooby Doo playbook. Nerds love robots, and they also know how to build them.

Also, the zombies aren’t eating the party guests, they’re capturing them and taking them aboard Eugene’s subaquatic travel and zombie-making device.

Part 8:

“DUDE! This must be the formula for Buzzz Cola!””

Speaking of stealing from playbooks, here’s one from Slaughter High: cool kids play a cruel practical joke on a nerd and now he’s out for revenge! (RIP Simon Scuddamore)

Apparently the zombie robots were created with the ability to surf and they’ve entered the contest! Hopefully the guys can outsmart them and keep them busy while David Bowie and Stephen King overthrow Eugene’s empire.

Plenty of surf footage in this segment. Yet another way to pad some time.

Part 9:

The guys win the contest, but are immediately kidnapped and taken aboard Eugene’s submarine.

Of course, things go awry and everyone escapes and ends up soaking wet on the beach, a la the Goonies.

Not much in this one that begs to be discussed…

Part 10:

Somehow Eugene ends up not being killed or arrested and actually ends up hanging with the guys on the beach, with a great hat! The dads, who were Eugene’s partners, are punished to dress up like women for the rest of their lives (“can you relate?”). Then two wildebeests chase them down the beach, hoping for a piece of hairy ass.

The End.

To sum it up, there wasn’t as much “horror” or T&A as I expected, but since we’ve come this far, I’m definitely not backing out now.

I doubt there is one person who actually watched this with me, keeping up with the updates and new content, but so be it. At least you get to read about my journey on a Wednesday morning through the bizarre world of a “beach surf killer robot revenge movie”. Or maybe, that’s your punishment for being in league with Buzzzzz. Like MST3K, you are now doomed to read this blog…. bwa ha ha.

Posted in About Fitness, About Media, General dorky shit | 4 Comments

the Muppets Meet Vincent Price!!!

Posted on October 17, 2011 by bayoubabylon

Saturday I mentioned that I was going to replace my tire.

I did not.

I am an idiot.

Instead, I tried to fix it myself, with the help of a couple friends, with a “plug kit” that we keep at work. From what you’ve seen on this site so far (Hobbits, Boogedies, Horsemens), you may infer that I am a master mechanic.

But you would be oh so wrong.

So today I woke up with a flat tire. The same one. This time I did go get it replaced. The waiting room of the tire shoppe where I do my tire tradin’ is actually quite nice, and I would venture to guess that the employees there have grown to think that I must really love it up there. Free coffee and popcorn and cable tv!!! If they had internet booths set up, I could stay there all day, no problem.

Hobbit Pics Part 3

This has gone on long enough. I’ll never get through all the pictures of dwarves, so I thought I would skip to the “bad ones” and call it a day.

Presenting, Fili & Kili followed by the Leader, Thorin Oakenshield:

Fili and Teen Idol

Thorin

Ok, so Fili is not that bad, right? He has a bit of a beard (not enough for me, but it’s there) and a sort of Norse look going on, which I like. Fili and Kili are the youngest of the Unexpected Party, which I guess ol’ PJ took to mean “hottest”.

Look at Kili. You disgust me, Kili. Hair blowing in the wind like you’re in a Whitesnake video, stubble on the chin like you’re Crockett from Miami Vice (the terrible show, stupids. not that terrible movie), and what’s this? A bow and arrows??? Methinks Kili is an elf spy, sent to keep an eye on this dwarf party who is clearly up to no good.

They saved Thorin for last. I looked forward to the release of his picture with great anticipation, thinking that, since he’s the Leader and a direct descendant of Thrain, he would be the Dwarfiest Dwarf who ever Dwarfed. Meaning, I figured he would be the stoutest, braided-hairiest, and, most importantly, BEARDIEST dwarf of all frackin times.

le Sigh. Look at this motherfucker. Seriously? This is supposed to be Thorin Oakenshield??? the Thorin Oakenshield??? This guy looks like he could be the bad guy in some retarded movie with Vin Diesel or the Rock. He looks like he could be in a really bad industrial band. He looks like… well, he doesn’t look like the leader of a merry band of adventurers and he doesn’t look like a dwarf. Why the hell does he have black hair and, /em shudder, a goatee??? The goatee is the antithesis of a badass dwarf beard! I’d rather him not even have any facial hair than to have a goatee! He looks like a freakin youth pastor! You are old and mighty as the Oak you are named after, Thorin, and your beard should reflect that. If not, you should change your name to Grody McPizzalockin. Or maybe some pseudo-goth name to go with your new industrial band. Like Dante something or other.

Still, I’ll probably wear pointed ears to the premiere. I hope there’s a midnight one so I don’t get my ass kicked. Bama fans hate pointy ears.

the Muppets Meet Vincent Price!!!!!!!!!!

Before you were born, dude. When I was still single. And life was great.

The Muppets had their own television show and not only was it good, it was the best thing on tv.

Most of you probably have no clue what a “Variety Show” is, which is a shame and you should feel terrible about being born too late.

A Variety Show is a show, live or on tv or live on tv, that usually features a host (in this case, most of the time this was Kermit D. Frog) who introduces different acts throughout the night. They could be musical groups, song and dance numbers, gymnasts, comedians… whatever. Anything.

The Muppet Show was different in that it also went “backstage” to show the chaos that is involved in producing a Variety Show: getting the acts on and off the stage on time accounts for most of it.

Every week, the Muppet Show would feature a different guest and, sometimes, that guest would be “seasonal”. Bing Crosby at Christmastime or, in this case, Vincent Price around Halloween. The guest would do all kinds of stuff, but they would usually do at least one musical number, whether they were known to be singers or not.

Now that you know the background on what a Variety Show is, on with today’s entry into “27 Days of yada yada yada.” That’s right, I “yada yada’d” Halloween.

This is the dvd case…

DVD case

You’ll notice that this is from the Time Life “Best of the Muppet Show” collection, of which I own all of them (except for the one with Roy Rogers, which I broke… along with my own heart). When I bought these, little did I know that complete seasons of the Muppet Show would soon be released.

Also on this cover, it lists the episodes contained therein. One of which stars Alice Cooper, and another one stars Marty Feldman. We may look at those some other time. Like next year.

For now, we are concerned with Vincent Price, one of the most iconic horror film actors of all time, and voice/narrator behind the coup de grace of Halloween party songs, “Thriller”.

These Time Life dvds always open with an intro by Brian Henson (Jim’s son). Sometimes it is generic, but sometimes he talks about the specific episode you are about to watch. This episode gets one of the generic ones.

Brian Henson intro

The show itself opens, like any good Variety Show, with a musical number, which should be instantly recognizable to anyone who has ever seen the show…

“It’s time to light the lights…”

“On the Muppet Show tonight!”

Crazy Harry

For some reason, this guy frightened me as a kid. It’s kind of understandable, being as he is a complete maniac. His name is “Crazy Harry” for crying out loud!!! Crazy Harry’s m.o. was blowing shit up. In this case, he incinerated Gonzo right as he was about to nail the last note of the opening number. Somebody oughta put this dynamite-loving rascal away! Why does Kermit, the voice of reason, keep allowing this guy around??? Maybe Harry’s got a little dirt on Kermit. Maybe Kermit got the Muppet theatre through the mob or something and Crazy Harry is Big Fat Mob Boss’s insane little nephew.

Maybe Crazy Harry needs to have a little “accident”…

a lovely duet

The first skit of the show is these two monsters doing a duet of “I’ve got you under my skin” because the big yellow monster eats that little one, who looks like one of Gonzo’s distant relatives. He’s definitely got some Fraggle swimming around in his DNA somewhere.

The Monsters were a constant threat on the Muppet Show. They were in nearly every episode and they usually ended up eating someone, as is the case here and throughout this episode, since it’s a scary episode.

I don’t know why I took so many screenshots of this scene. I guess I just thought it was funny that these guys were having beers together, then all of a sudden the yellow guy eats the other one. I’m a big guy, but none of my friends are ever in danger of being eaten while we’re out drinking. So they got that going for ’em, which is nice.

a triple header

This triple headed critter wants to be on the show. Kermit calls them a “triple header”, which is a baseball reference, for all my fellow nerdlingers out there. This is a running gag throughout this episode. Kermit won’t let them on the show, so they get a one-monster show going where the first head is the “straight man”, the second head tells the jokes, and the third head is the audience. That way, they’re always a hit!

Do not fret, deerheart, this is the last you will have to see of them.

We go now to Transylvania, and the first appearance of Vincent Price…

House of Horrors

Fozzie and Gonzo have rented a cottage in the mountains for the holidays…

“this place is too big for just the two of us…”

G-G-G-G-Ghosts!

It is haunted. Check out Gonzo’s tangle-eye in this picture.

There is a knock at the door…

Why it’s film star Vincent Price!!!!

…with his lovely assistant

The assistant asks Fozzie what time it is. When Fozzie answers that it is midnight, the assistant cringes and tells them that Vincent Price turns into a ravening beast at midnight!!!!

Then he asks, “What day is it?”

Fozzie answers, “New Year’s Eve.” It is midnight on New Year’s Eve. They make some pop culture reference that I don’t get and this happens…

Happy New Year!!!

I honestly would feel guilty if I didn’t add Statler and Waldorf in here somewhere. They usually hate everything, but they like Vincent Price, probably because he is old.

A monster shows up in their box and Waldorf jumps out. The shot of him jumping out is funny, but it happens so fast that I couldn’t get a clear shot of it.

even Statler and Waldorf get hainted!

After the Statler and Waldorf incident, Kermit hosts a talk show. The topic today is “Gourmet Food”. From left to right we have: Random Purple Monster (described as a professional eater. Look out, Joey Chestnut!), a stereotypically pompous French chef, Kermit, and Vincent Price (described as a professional food critic. look out, Dom Deluise!)

Talk Show time

They argue about food, the French chef being appropriately annoying, and the purple monster eating everything in sight.

today’s topic: gourmet food

including the chef.

Chef’s on the menu!

We then move on to a classic “Muppet Show” segment called “At the Dance”.

“At the Dance” was a segment that usually starred “human” muppets, who would dance and toss out one-liners like they were yesterday’s coffee grounds. Since this is a “scary” episode, all the dancers are either ghosts or monsters. Here’s what these two say:

Ghost 1: Let’s go get a drink.

Ghost 2: We can’t!!!

Ghost 1: Why???

Ghost 2: They don’t serve spirits here!

Classic.

“At the Dance” with Ghosts

After “At the Dance”, two ghosts do a duet on some song called “I See Through You” or something. The reason I included it here is because the muppeteers are using a “Pepper’s Ghost” effect here.

“Pepper’s Ghost” is a parlor trick that, supposedly, goes all the way back to Egyptian times. Many “spiritists” used the effect during that movement to scare people out of their primitive minds and money.

It would take forever to explain how to do it here, but it’s pretty much just mirrors. You can view the classic effect in the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland, during the part where the Hitchhiking Ghosts catch a ride with you.

Pepper’s Ghost in full effects!

After the Pepper’s Ghost scene, we go to one of my favorite segments in the Muppet Show.

Often, Kermit would have a sit with the guest star and they’d have a chat. It was usually entertaining, always endearing, and sometimes produced some of the most iconic scenes ever on the Muppet Show (who can forget “Happy Feet” and I ain’t talking about penguins).

mano a frogo

Kermit asks Vincent how to turn into a vampire, so Vincent demonstrates how to do it.

Vampire Lessons

I like that one crooked tooth on the left. Not all vampires are perfect, ya know!!!

Kermit is a fast learner!

Kermit learns how to be a vampire and takes a bite out of crime!!!

…maybe a little too fast, eh?

It was truly inevitable that Sweet’Ums, the most famous monster in Muppetdom, would make a cameo in this episode. I was honestly surprised that he wasn’t in it more.

Here, he pulls the ol’ “Let me lend you a hand” gag, and gives Vincent a *gulp* real hand!!!!

Sweet’ums

For some reason, we get a short interlude of two houses talking together. It’s not that great, but I thought the houses looked cool, so I included them in this breakdown.

Haunted House of Rock

The Grand Finale of each episode featured the guest star, usually performing a song with the rest of the Cast, which in this episode, was a bunch of monsters…

Grand Finale

Vincent, channeling his inner Phantom of the Opera. And I still haven’t forgotten you, asshole in the Phantom costume last year at Dragon*Con! You’ll get yours….

Vincent Price can sing???

Vincent sings “You’ve Got a Friend” by James Taylor, but it’s all raspy and spooky-like because he’s Vincent “Last Man on Earth” Price.

a moving duet

The lovely assistant makes another appearance…

Then everybody joins in!!!!

everybody now!

The End.

They wrap it up, as usual, with Kermit bringing out Vincent Price for a round of applause.

It’s a good episode, better than the disappointing one with Steve Martin at least. I don’t know if it is on youtube or not, but since Disney owns the Muppets’ collective asses these days, I doubt it.

There are other skits in the episode that I didn’t include either, like one with Wayne and Wanda where Wanda turns into a monster and takes her own head off. Plus there’s more stuff with monsters eating people, of course.

I may take tomorrow off, since today took all morning. See you Wednesday!

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the Hobbit Pictures Part 2 & Mr. Boogedy

Posted on October 16, 2011 by bayoubabylon

Something’s wrong when you wake up in the morning and you’re relieved, and a bit surprised, that you don’t have a flat tire.

Yesterday we looked at pictures of Oin and Gloin, the two best pictures out of the bunch of pictures released from the Hobbit movies. Even though they are completely different than I ever would have imagined them to look, from reading the book, literally, hundreds of times.

I know I probably shouldn’t do this, but I want to quote a bit from the Hobbit, regarding the first time we see the dwarves, as they arrive at Bilbo’s house.

It was two more dwarves, both with blue hoods, silver

belts, and yellow beards; and each of them carried a bag of tools and a spade.

In they hopped, as soon as the door began to open-Bilbo was hardly surprised

at all.

“What can I do for you, my dwarves?” he said. “Kili at your service! ”

said the one. “And Fili! ” added the other; and they both swept off their blue

hoods and bowed.

“At yours and your family’s!” replied Bilbo, remembering his manners this

time.

“Dwalin and Balin here already, I see,” said Kili. “Let us join the

throng!”

“Throng!” thought Mr. Baggins. “I don’t like the sound of that. I really

must sit down for a minute and collect my wits, and have a drink.” He had only

just had a sip-in the corner, while the four dwarves sat around the table, and

talked about mines and gold and troubles with the goblins, and the

depredations of dragons, and lots of other things which he did not understand,

and did not want to, for they sounded much too adventurous-when, ding-dong-aling-

dang, his bell rang again, as if some naughty little hobbit-boy was

trying to pull the handle off. “Someone at the door!” he said, blinking. “Some

four, I should say by the sound,” said Fili. “Be-sides, we saw them coming

along behind us in the distance.”

The poor little hobbit sat down in the hall and put his head in his

hands, and wondered what had happened, and what was going to happen, and

whether they would all stay to supper. Then the bell rang again louder than

ever, and he had to run to the door. It was not four after all, it was FIVE.

Another dwarf had come along while he was wondering in the hall. He had hardly

turned the knob, be-x)re they were all inside, bowing and saying “at your

service” one after another. Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin, and Gloin were their names;

and very soon two purple hoods, a grey hood, a brown hood, and a white hood

were hanging on the pegs, and off they marched with their broad hands stuck in

their gold and silver belts to join the others. Already it had almost become a

throng. Some called for ale, and some for porter, and one for coffee, and all

of them for cakes; so the hobbit was kept very busy for a while.

                                               -from the Hobbit, “An Unexpected Party”

Many people have postulated that the pictures from the Hobbit, that we have seen, are of the dwarves after they Occupy the Lonely Mountain, meaning that they are “geared”. However, judging from this photo (presumably taken from the scene quoted above. since that is the only time the dwarves are in Bilbo’s home), it looks like these dwarves show up ready to kick some goblin ass.

An Unexpected Party

 
Now, I wouldn’t consider myself a “purist” but I would say that I thoroughly enjoy the differences between the Hobbit and the LOTR stories. The Hobbit is set many years before things really start turning to shit in Middle-Earth, so it can be presumed that the dwarves probably wouldn’t show up on Bilbo’s doorstep in full armor. In fact, I would guess that they didn’t really expect any real trouble until they got to the Lonely Mountain and had to actually face Smaug, whom they thought might even be dead, since no one had seen him in ages.
In other words, I want to see dwarves with long, wagging beards and colorful cloaks with hoods! That’s all I ask. Add all the hot elves you want, just give me some sweet dwarf beard action and cloaks and hoods and shit, and I’ll be satisfied with the Hobbit movie.
Well, maybe some good old-fashioned Shire action, also. Like some good shots of hearths, green fields, country lanes, pipe-smoking, ale-drinking, and just generally the clean, easy-livin’ Hobbit lifestyle.
 
Anyway. Here’s today’s dwarf picture to be scrutinized as though I could do better:

Dori, Nori, and Ori

 
This is some pretty good dwarf action. Ya got two dwarves who are ready to kick someone’s butt, and one who looks like he would rather just be at home, kicked back with that book he’s got in his hands. What do you think that book is?
Even though I’ll concede that there are probably dwarf scholarly types out there somewhere, I don’t think there are any hints that Nori is like that. So unless that is a book of dwarf recipes, a book about mining techniques, lessons on how to do proper ceremonial dwarf dances (which are absolutely nothing like that fizzlebutt dance that Jack Sparrow did at the end of Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland”), or beard grooming tips (he looks like he could use some).
He might could get some good advice from the starfish on the left, who appears to be holding a cannon plunger. Are dwarves into heavy artillery now? I don’t want to rip on Starfish too much though, since he’s the best of these three, to me.
The one on the far right, Ori, I presume, isn’t too bad. He’s just too ready for a fight for me.
These dwarves should not be carrying giant anime weapons and armor. They should be carrying tools, backpacks full of food, and water skins. 90% of the book is the journey to the Lonely Mountain, and there’s no way that the dwarves did not realize this.
 

Mr. Boogedy (1986)

Another one of those, “if you were between the ages of 3 and 15 in 1986 you already know this, but if you were not, then you have no reason to care” things.

Mr. Boogedy was a made-for-tv movie that aired on “the Wonderful World of Disney” during the Halloween season of 1986.

“The Wonderful World of Disney” was a weekly show that featured original programming made by Disney.

“Mr. Boogedy” is a film that we all saw, but no one ever had because it’s never been released on home video due to rights reasons. Fortunately, it is on youtube, along with everything else, apparently…

(((I’ll let you follow the links to the rest of the movie. I believe you can handle it.)))

Mr. Boogedy, now that I’m re-watching it as an adult, is not as light-hearted as I thought it would be. I was thinking that Mr. Boogedy would eventually turn into a good guy, or at the very least be a sort of “misunderstood” ghost, like in the 6th Sense or something.

But no, Boogedy is pretty much a bad guy throughout the film.

Is there any question when you see him that “Mr. Boogedy” is deadset on being a bad guy?

Mr. Boogedy

 Boogedy here looks like he’s seen a ghost! HA!!! Actually he looks a little disconcerted about whatever is going on in the upper corner of this room. Boogedy might be having an acid flashback here.
 
 
 
 
 
 

"Boogedy-Boogedy-BOO!!!"

How will they stop this Boogedy??? He’s got the lightning fingers!!! I wanna make some Emperor Palpatine reference here, but yesterday I watched the updated “Max Rebo Band” scene in the “reimagined” version of Return of the Jedi and now I don’t feel like saying anything positive about Star Wars ever again.

Maybe a Ghostbusters reference. Like maybe Boogedy vs. Gozer in an all-out mud-wrastling, no-holds-barred, event? That’d be a good match. Boogedy would wipe the floor with that Vigo the Carpathian guy from the second one.

“Mr. Boogedy” is pretty much just a typical haunted house flick. It was supposedly for kids, but it’s easily enjoyed by anyone who would enjoy such cinematic masterpieces as “Saturday the 14th” or “Transylvania 6-5000”. Like me.

A family moves into a haunted house in New England that is haunted by a dead warlock with the nice-guy name of “Mr. Boogedy” (who owns the insanely popular catchphrase, “Boogedy, Boogedy, Boo!!!”).

Most of the comedy comes from dad, who makes his living selling novelty items like the stuff you could order out of the back of Boy’s Life magazine or comic books.

My favorite? The mail-order monster.

 
 
 

 Mr. Boogedy is also a bad guy in that, not only is he haunting this nice family, but he’s also, somehow, keeping a lot of other ghosts prisoner in the house. I think that’s the plot of every episode of “A Haunting”.

Watch Mr. Boogedy. Enjoy it and thank God for youtube and whoever took the time to upload it there, because it’s doubtful it’ll ever be released on video by Disney. They’re too busy making “Bambi 4” and “Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3”.

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the Hobbit Pictures Part 1 & Haxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages

Posted on October 15, 2011 by bayoubabylon

Today I woke up with another flat tire. You may think I’m lying, but I promise that I am not. I think God may be mad at me for insinuating that all my fellow Catholics are anti-religion. Or Cthulhu may be mad at me for insinuating that I’m a loyal follower.

Either way, I have done something to anger the gods of Goodyear.

Today I’m not even going to mess around with this “patching” shit, because obviously that is completely worthless. Time to just man up and buy a new tire. Lame, because tires are expensive and take money away from important things like “Tales From the Crypt” box sets.

Also, my buffalo wing eating didn’t work out. As usual, the fine print got me. If I had been surprised, I would have been pissed, but since nothing like that ever works out for me anyway, it was no big deal. But it is funny because I’ve been building it up on this site, and in my head, ever since I got that worthless piece of paper that I thought was a coupon for a buttload of free buffalo wings.

At this point, I was in a conundrum. My fitfordragoncon plan does not include paying for buffalo wings. But yet, I’ve already driven up to the place, went inside, and stood in line… Did I do all this to leave empty-handed? Worst of all, my mind and body were literally shaking with anticipation of tasty deep-fried chicken and hot sauce goodness.

In the end, my dedication to fitnessing would not allow me to pay for buffalo wings. So I went home and ate an apple and some eggs. A poor substitute.

the Hobbit Pitchers

It’s old news now, but the Hobbit by JRR Tolkien is going to be made into a movie. 2 of them, in fact. I think the first one is due out next year and filming has already started.

This is, obviously, huge news for me and all the other Tolkien fans out there. Being as they are to be directed by Peter Jackson. I’m hoping for the best, though I do think that del Toro would have been better. But that’s just personal opinion because, in general, I like del Toro’s movies more than Peter Jackson’s recent material. This doesn’t include such gems as “Brain Dead” and “Bad Taste”.

The pitchers that follow are extremely old news, at least in the world of “the Hobbit movie news”. But I felt like you needed my opinion on them.

Because I am honestly surprised at how much my fellow geeks like them.

And, even though I’ve mentioned this before, I’m constantly surprised by how eager my fellow geeks are to swallow the horrible shit that Hollywood is marketing towards them. Personally, I am insulted by all these terrible superhero movies, remakes, and attempts to appeal to my sense of nostalgia. We are SMART, geeks! That’s kind of our modus operandi, isn’t it? Why do we let ourselves be patronized by these idiots who, for years, would not give us the time of day… until it became profitable to do so?

Ugh. Anyway.

Luckily, Peter Jackson is a true-blue Tolkien fan, or at least it seems like he is. Despite what you may have thought of the LOTR movies, they are as good as it’s going to get, especially the extended versions. I can’t help but laugh when I hear/read someone say something along the lines of, “I’ll keep waiting until a better version [of the LOTR films] comes out.”

Laugh out loud!!!! Don’t hold your breath, motherfucker! If you’re waiting for Hollywood to make a better (i.e. closer to the book) version, all I can say is that you’re a fucked chicken.

I have said all this to make the point that, for the most part, I do not care for the look of the dwarves in the Hobbit. I don’t care that they are from the Hobbit. I don’t care that they are pictures of dwarves. I’m not going to like something just because it, supposedly, falls into my “interests”.

This is going to hafta fall into 2 different posts, because I don’t feel like writing 3 million negative words about something I love. No doubt, I actually do like some of the photos.

We’ll start with the best ones, which were the first ones they released… I think. Don’t be a dousch nerd and feel like you must correct me if I’m wrong about that.

Oin & Gloin

Proper Dwarves

I obviously didn’t take these pictures myself.

Now these are some dwarves! When I first saw this photo from the film, I got ridiculously excited. So much so, that I immediately emailed this picture to everyone I know, including the people who are not a bit interested in anything. Imagine emailing this picture to your grandmother. That’s what I did. Just sent it to everyone who has ever been on my contact list. Old college buddies that I haven’t talked to in 10 years? Yes. Relatives I haven’t seen since Christmas of 1998? Sure.

Who doesn’t need a sweet photo of two badass dwarves??? Well, I guess my grandmother probably didn’t need that.

Speaking of things that people need, EVERY dwarf should have a beard that flows from their jowels like the pudding pops flow from Bill Cosby’s benevolent hands. A braid or two doesn’t hurt, but they are not necessary… what is necessary is that the beard is flippin sweet as shit and, dare I say it, epic.

I’m not up on my Tolkien lore as much as some people, but I think that dwarves spring out of the ground like a groundhog when they’re born. I think the lore says that they are born from the earth, sons of stone or something. The Silmarillion gets into their origins, but it’s been a while since I’ve read it.

That said, a dwarf should not ever be without a beard. Ever. There should NEVER be a point in a dwarf’s life when he does not have a beard, no matter his circumstances or his age.

Every dwarf should look like they could be in the dirtiest, grungiest, heaviest, stoner metal band of all fucking time.

I think that is the root of my problem with the look of the dwarves: not all of them give me serious beard-envy, and I need some beard-envy when I go see a fantasy epic. And some ideas on what to do with my beard once it gets long enough to braid into funny shapes, like “round”.

Tomorrow we’ll look at a couple others that are not as spot-on as these two…

Haxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922)

Yesterday we watched just a bit of this movie. Some kind soul has uploaded the entire film onto youtube (you may need to go there to watch it, if it doesn’t work here).

I like the description here as a “documentary”. Even if you’ve only watched the few minutes from yesterday, you know that this is no documentary. Unless there really is footage of a woman giving birth to Rosemary’s Baby and a bunch of women dancing with Satan and some demons. I realize that, by calling the movie a “documentary”, that it is really only more like a “history of”, and even then, it is from the standpoint of the producer and director of the film, Benjamin Christensen (who plays the debbil in some parts of the film, including scene that my cousin can imitate hilariously).

This would better be described as “anti-witch propaganda”, which is what it was. People were still really scared of witches in the early 20th century, and Christensen felt it was his duty to remind all us good, anti-heathen folk to remain diligent against our common auld enemi, the Satan.

I know that this movie is not “Halloween-y” in the same way as the other stuff we have watched and, inevitably, that means that most of you won’t bother watching it (it’s also in b&w and silent, which is a major turnoff for Bama fans). My wife hates this movie. She may actually think that this is the most frightening movie in my collection.

What do I mean by Halloween-y? Well, for starters, it’s not going to be nostalgic for anyone to watch this movie. I don’t think that even my grandparents were alive when this movie was made. But I do like to picture some internet-savvy centenarian, hitting his/her/it’s knee and exclaiming, “Oh snap! I remember that shit!” It also doesn’t feature any instantly-recognizable Halloween iconography or activities.

However, this could be seen as the most Halloween-y film that we’ve watched so far, or will watch, for that matter. That is, if you catch my drift and all…

I have this flick on Criterion Collection at home, and it includes a version that was cut and released in the 60’s and features, for all you literate types, a commentary by William Burroughs. The Burroughs version is good, but I would really just rather have the original with the original score.

I think it is interesting that the film was released in 1922 because right now I’m reading a book called “A History of Witchcraft and Demonology” that was published in 1922 by a guy named Montague Summers. He was a very interesting sort of chap who fancied himself as a modern-day Witchfinder General, a direct heir to Cotton Mather and the early witchhunters of the 17th and 18th centuries. Summer fully believed that the Salem witch trials were a great thing, and had become necessary to stamp out heresy and Satanism in the Colonies. He also believed in vampires and werewolves, which he felt like it was his duty to exterminate. I strongly suggest you look this crazy cat up, if you get this chance, but I wonder if there is any connection between his book and this film, or if it is just a strange coincidence.

All in all, this is one of my favorite films of all time, and definitely my favorite silent film. I love everything about it. The hysteria of the propaganda side of the movie, the seriousness with which the filmmakers approach the subject, the INCREDIBLE special effects… all of this really lend it a sense of credibility that a similar movie would not have today.

We believe it is real because it looks old, in other words.

 

 

 

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