Fitness Words… What the deuce do they really mean?

Posted on September 30, 2011 by bayoubabylon

Yesterday a friend of mine asked me if I was still keeping up with the “fit” side of fitfordragoncon.com. It made me realize that I haven’t had a post about fitnessing in a little while, and also made me remember why I started this blog in the first place: so that I would have someone to be accountable to for my own journey towards being fit (that would be you, the audience, if you are out there). I also started it hoping that more people would come on here and discuss their own fitness goals, without the shame of being humiliated for who we are as “geeks” (although, to be honest, I don’t like being called a nerd or geek. I prefer just being acknowledged for sometimes having eccentric interests). That hasn’t happened yet, but I’m not going to give up hope that fitfordragoncon.com will, someday, be a place for just that. Even if it’s after Dragon*Con 2012 and we’re looking forward to 2013.

I am not a fitness expert, if you can believe it. I’m just a guy who sometimes gets lumped in with a group of people who are notorious for being overweight and lazy, and I want to break that stereotype. Not just for us “persons with eccentric interests”, but for everyone to know that, just because we like comic books and video games, doesn’t mean that we also can’t be fit and trim and in shape.

Being as it is, that I’m not a fitness expert, I’ll admit that I have no clue about what I’m doing. In other words, when it comes to fitness, coming up with original fitness-related content for this website is going to be nigh on impossible, and I don’t want to just be a parrot for the “real” fitness sites, linking to them and just repeating what I read somewhere else.

But I figured, since I am a fitness novice, my audience probably is too. So why don’t I use that to my advantage and be honest about the fact that I am learning, so that maybe we can all learn together. It’ll be like some giant, eccentric-interest-based, fitness brainstorm! Or rather, it’ll be more like me trying to figure out how to elevate my fitness to the next level (that would be level 1-2, the underground one, right now) and, hopefully, attract a like-minded readership.

Now that my Mission Statement is out of the way, we can get to the meat of this post…

I refuse to buy into fitness buzzwords. Or fitness buzz-phrases, and myths or fads. My dad always says, “They’ve been trying to prove coffee’s bad for you for 50 years and they haven’t done it yet!”

This is true for a lot of things. One day they’ll say, “Eggs are bad.” Then the next day they say, “Eggs are the perfect food.” (“They” means the jackass health professionals they have on the teevee)

In the end, it usually balances out. What this means to me is that we can eat whatever we want… within reason and in moderation, and as long as we keep exercising.

I’ve been eating “good for me” stuff for a little over two weeks now, and I don’t plan on stopping any time soon, but I like to think that, as I get more and more fit, that I’ll be able to incorporate small amounts of my old favorite foods (pizza, buffalo wings, pasta, cheese, etc.). I’ve never been into junk food too much, so I don’t even worry about the next time I’ll be able to have a piece of cake or a candy bar. Most guys I know are like that; we’re not fat because of tater chips and chocolate, we’re fat from meat and potatoes: too much of it, and not enuff exercisings.

Getting back to the “eggs” thing, who can we trust? Well, if the eggs and coffee are any indicators, we can only trust ourselves to try and do the best we can.

There are some words, though, that I’ve been hearing for years and years and years, and I know they mean something healthy, but I just don’t know what, exactly, they’re talking about.

Today we’ll get to the bottom of some of these words. What they mean, and how they work. This will kinda be like the urban dictionary, I guess. Or more like, “Fitness Jeopardy for Fitness-Ignorant Geeks”.  I’ll give the word, then I’ll tell you what I think it means, then we’ll try and find out what it really means, and compare notes.

First off, here’s what got me thinking about this topic to begin with….

Observe the circled mystery words...

That’s correct. These are the healthy fruit and nut sets that I got the other day at the store. Only in this picture, I have circled the words that I don’t know, but that sound healthy as fuck. “Omega-3” mix, “Antioxidant” mix, and “Digestive Health” mix. “Digestive Health” isn’t circled because I’m pretty sure about what that means. It means that this particular mix is gonna make you shit like a goose. I once compared this trio to the Ghostbusters, so I’m gonna say that “Digestive Health” mix is Ray, Omega-3 is Egon (clearly the nerdiest of the bunch), and “Antioxidant” is everyone’s favorite: Bill “Ghostbustin’ ass” Muwway.

I think I’ll started with “Antioxidant”….

1. ANTIOXIDANT

No clue. I have zero clue as to what an antioxidant is, or what it does. I know that hot tea is a good source of antioxidants because I drink a lot of it and people tell me that, but I just assume it is a good thing to have in your beverage. Hmmmm…. ANTI- meaning against. OXIDANT- meaning something with oxygen, I’m guessing. This doesn’t sound good. I don’t know if I want antioxidants. This probably is some word that has to do with some vaguely-hippy idea of cleansing your body of toxins. Maybe antioxidants make you sweat like a whore in church, thereby relieving you of the toxins that are somehow in your sweat glands? Ok, that’s my final answer. They cleanse you of “toxins” (whatever that is).

Now it is time to consult the Oraculum Internettum Infernus… brb. irl.

Ok, so wikipedia was the first entry that came up on the googly. I know wikipedia is about as credible as an 8 year old who just got caught with a Playboy, but it seemed to know what it was talking about. In fact, it was a little too good (i.e. technical and shit) for me to just thumb through and get a definition. The impression that I got was that no one really knows if antioxidants are good for you or not. They do prevent oxidation of something, and this something apparently may cause everything from cancer to motion sickness, though in tests, nothing has really ever been conclusive.

Is this myth busted? Well, can’t say for sure, and that’s sorta the problem. People like me hear the word “antioxidant” and think “Oh snap, that is some healthy shit right there!” But really, it may or may not be.

2. Omega-3

This is fish, right? I know everyone says fish is good for you “cuz it’s got dem Omega-Threes n shit.” But does anyone really know what an Omega-3 is? I know it’s a fatty acid, but what the devil is a “fatty” “acid”? Any kind of acid I’ve ever dealt with certainly was not fatty (pieces of paper are pretty slim, after all, gnome sayin’???). And the acid in the movies can almost eat all the way through a spacecraft! I don’t want that in my body! I’m going to guess here and say that Omega-3 is a “fatty acid” that somehow lowers your cholesterol, like by burning out blockages with acid. Final answer and whatnot.

What say you, internet? stand by…

Much like “antioxidant” the hows and whys of Omega-3’s are too complicated to get into here, but it does seem that Omega-3 is definitely good for you, unlike antioxidants which just “might” be good for you. Omega-3 is, indeed, a “fatty acid”. What the hell is a fatty acid? Here’s some witch doctor mumbo jumbo on the subject:

In chemistry, especially biochemistry, a fatty acid is a carboxylic acid with a long unbranched aliphatic tail (chain), which is either saturated or unsaturated. Most naturally occurring fatty acids have a chain of an even number of carbon atoms, from 4 to 28.[1] Fatty acids are usually derived from triglycerides or phospholipids. When they are not attached to other molecules, they are known as “free” fatty acids. Fatty acids are important sources of fuel because, metabolized, they yield large quantities of ATP. Many cell types can use either glucose or fatty acids for this purpose. In particular, heart and skeletal muscle prefer fatty acids. The brain cannot use fatty acids as a source of fuel; it relies on glucose or ketone bodies.[2]

What I’m gathering from this jumble of shit is that it’s the ATP’s that make fatty acids, including Omega-3, healthy. Now…. what the devil is an ATP???

STAY TUNED TOMORROW FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION OF “FITNESS JEOPARDY FOR PERSONS WITH ECCENTRIC INTERESTS”!!! INCLUDING, “WHAT THE HELL IS AN ATP???”!!!

Posted in About Fitness, About Me | 1 Comment

A Lovely Late Summer Day with Vlad… the Destroyer

Posted on September 29, 2011 by bayoubabylon

Friends, today is Thursday. No trip to the JFZ today because, as referenced here, I wake up at noon on Thursdays and I will not go to the JFZ after noon. But does that mean that we must take the day off and lay around eating buffalo wings and watching old episodes of Aqua Teen??? NO!!! Rambogoncon would never approve of such a lack of discipline! Our only off days are the weekends, and those still take willpower and the eye of the tiger to survive!

No, friends, Thursdays are not off days. In fact…

Thursdays are Daddy-Day. But not with any kids. Because I don’t have any (that I know of, hyuck hyuck hyuck).

No, Thursdays I sleep till about noon, then spend the rest of the day hanging out with my man, Vlad the Destroyer. You remember Vlad, right? He’s that crazy kettlebell I told you all about just, like, a few days ago! The Balrog of fitness products? The Merciless Master of Mangled Muscles? The Spine and Shoulder Dislocator Extraordinaire?

Sure, you remember him.

Today I woke up at my usual time on Thursdays, ready to stumble into the kitchenette for my usual breakfast of yogurt with some granola mixed in, V8 (chugged as fast as possible straight from the bottle), and coffee (to wake the bowels). I was preparing this breakfast when I noticed a twang of movement outside by the oasis.

I went outside to investigate and found this…

"Vlad! I didn't say you could have company!!! This is Daddy Day!!!"

Vlad had invited Punkin Puss, that olde thyme enemie of myne, over and they were hanging out by the pool!!! Vlad knows that I do not approve of him hanging out with such riffraff as Punkin Puss, so I know he was doing it just to spite me. And they had borrowed my sunglasses to boot! And without asking!

If you’ll read the caption above, that is what I told Vlad. I says to Vlad, I says, “Vlad! I didn’t say you could have company! And especially not this neanderthal!”

Punkin Puss looked at me and said, “Ah, blow it out your ass, dude!” And they started laughing and Vlad, through his laughter, said, “Yeah, your FAT ass!!!!”

Vlad, I know we’re pals and all, and that you were just under a bad influence, so I’ll let this one go without throwing you off a bridge.

Then they had a few beers…. MY beers.

"Open it for me, would ya, fatass?"

Which inevitably leads to this….

Makerin' the Mark

Although I like Punkin Puss’s choice of shot glass more, ya gotta respect how much bigger Vlad’s is. I told you kettlebells were tough. I think Punkin Puss was just putting up a tuff front for Vlad. I don’t think he normally drinks a lot. Have you ever had pickled pumpkin? Me neither, but I bet it sucks.

Vlad, meanwhile, can take shots all day.

I went inside because I don’t like to be around pumpkins after they’ve been doing shots. They tend to get really self-destructive. I took a psychology class once, so I think this is because they have such a short lifespan anyway, that they figure nothing matters. Nihilists, the lot of ’em.

Eventually, I had to come back outside to make sure Vlad hadn’t gone all Billy Corgan on Punkin Puss (meaning, engaging in illicit kettlebell/punkin oral pleasures). I can’t have that on my conscience, and I didn’t want the neighbors to call the cops (though why they thought I was having a photoshoot with a cannonball and a pumpkin with sunglasses on is anyone’s guess).

I came out of a side door, so I could sneak around and spy on them, in hopes of checking on their well-being but yet still not get noticed. Vlad has a funny way of calling me out about stuff like that.

"Wah wah wah, I'm fat. Wah, wah, wah, I'm old. Wah, wah wah..."

Punkin Puss had stolen my duck mask and was making fun of me!!!! And there was Vlad, yucking it up!

I snuck back inside and drank a cup of tea. Something had to be done. I’ve threatened Punkin Puss in the past, but I was really hoping to be able to cut his guts out when he least suspected it. Now I thought I may hafta use a more forward approach. Like walking up to him, picking him up, and powerbombing him into the driveway.

As I was drinking my tea and catching up on my stories, the two came in, arguing…

Vlad: “Your momma was a cantaloupe!” ((OOC: see how I stay topical?))

Punkin Puss: “Oh yeah?!?!?! Well your mother was a…. a…. uhhhh…”

” A What?”

“A… uhhh…. dumbbell!!!”

“That’s it, you orange piece of gourd!!!! PUT EM UP!!!!”

“OH, THAT’S IT, IS IT???? DROPPING THE RACE CARD??? Don’t like me cuz I’m ORANGE??? YOU PUT EM UP!!!!”

There’s only one place this was going…

"FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I know Vlad had to have started it, and if I didn’t step in quick, Vlad’s hardass was going to splatter Puss’s innards all over the carpet. And then I’d hafta go buy another pumpkin. Those things are $5, plus I’d hafta leave the house! Eff that, I was gonna do somethin’…

So I sent Punkin Puss home. Told him he had to go and that I couldn’t have violence in my home, especially racially-motivated violence between two inanimate objects.

Vlad immediately did another shot and ran outside…

"I'm gonna do it!"

Vlad got on the diving board and was going to jump in, committing suicide (kettlebells can’t swim. they just don’t take to the water as well as us.). Well, not immediately, but rust is a motherfucker. And I didn’t feel like jumping in and repeating my Boy Scout training of lifting a piece of cast iron off the bottom of a pool.

I coaxed him down off the edge of fitness oblivion, but he was not done with his drunken notions of, somehow, getting into the pool…

"Put me in, Put me in, Put me in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You have no arms, Vlad!!! Are you mad? How do you plan to row that thing??? Also, kayaks tip over easily and, once again, I’m not jumping into frigid poolwater just to save your dumbass. And since I would hafta be the one to physically put you in the pool (just like I put you in this kayak), nuh-uh, not happening.

Well, since Vlad was now the only one wasted around the house, and I was being a spoil-sport, he called it a day. He moped inside and sat down to watch the View…

But he had had too many shots, which inevitably led to this…

"Hey! Get outta here! Get the FUCK outta here!!!"

Yes, I took a picture of a kettlebell on the toilet. Shameful, I know, but whatta ya gonna do? I needed the scoop, and the scoop was that Vlad had had entirely too much to drink.

I held him up, to keep him from falling into the toilet while puking up little iron bits mixed with hard liquor (which it’s too bad I couldn’t save).

I put Vlad the Self-Destructive down for a nap and he told me a parable from his Russian homeland…

“One night Nikolai came home from the bar after a long night of drinking cheap vodka and found an urn on his doorstep.

Nikolai rubbed the urn and a djinn came out and said, “I will grant you a wish!”

Nikolai wished that, when he pissed, that he would piss the finest vodka in the world. I dunno, Grey Goose or Aristocrat or some shit…

The genie said, “Done!!!” and disappeared, taking the urn with him.

And so it was. Every day, Nikolai would bring home two glasses and urinate into them and he and his wife would enjoy the finest vodka that they had ever tasted.

Time went by and one day Nikolai came home without any glasses…

“Where are the glasses?” asked his wife, Anastasia. For she was eager to enjoy the fine vodka.

Nikolai thought for a minute and answered, “Tonight, my dear, you may drink straight from the bottle…””

I asked Vlad the moral of this parable and he just laughed and told me to go to hell.

I love you, Vlad the Merciless Destructor of Shoulders and Self-Esteems. This one’s for you…

Posted in About Fitness, About Me, General dorky shit | Leave a comment

Lord of the Rings Gaming & a NEW LOGO!!!

Posted on September 28, 2011 by bayoubabylon

337 Days until Dragon*Con 2012…

Yesterday we talked about mini-wargaming and I mentioned that I was going to show you just how badass some of the LOTR armies can be, when meticulously painted by pros. I don’t really know what a “pro” miniature painter is, but I’m assuming that there are people out there who make their living doing it.

But, before we get to that, I felt like I would be wrong to not, at least, mention that Lord of the Rings Online’s new expansion set, “Rise of Isengard” went live yesterday.

I have mixed feelings about it, but then again, I have mixed feelings about any mmo expansion I have ever played…

To me, the problem I have with expansions is that they almost always raise the level cap. I know that they hafta do that because, otherwise, there would be no reason for people to explore the new content. Plus I have no doubt that there are people out there somewhere who haven’t slept in 2 days because they want to be the first one on their server to get to level 75.

As I’ve said before, I’ve played numerous mmo’s, and have played plenty of expansions… and I always have the mixed feelings. On one hand, I like checking out the new content (the Lich King expansion in WoW, I thought, was particularly good. Walrus-men! How could it get any better? The only way would be to have friendly, talking otters who gave you epic loot when you smurfed em out of their misery).

Won't you be the one to let the otters live free?

The main thing I don’t like is that I just feel like it’s more work. More work that I have to do before I can feel satisfied, and with an obstacle like Moria standing between me and the level cap, it can seem a bit overwhelming. When you’re already 65, ten more levels might not seem too bad. But when you’re trying level up your alt who is 30, well…. it’s a real bummer, man.

Not only that, but if you’re 30, it’ll be 30 more levels, at least, before you can experience the new content, and we all know that we all want to get in on the new exciting shit on the ground floor so we can say, 2 years from now, “I was there. I was one of the first ones into Isengard”.

It means more work in crafting too, which makes me wish for a LOTRO-playing slavebot who would come level up my crafting for me while I watch old episodes of the Lone Ranger and eat Halloween-themed treats. Or nowadays, Halloween-themed twigs’n’berries’n’shit.

Still, the video trailer for Isengard that Turd-bind released on launch day is pretty wicked pisser. Check it out:

At about 1:00 in the video, I’m pretty sure it means that we will be fighting Grimlock at some point. And at 1:25 it makes a totally Hanna-Barbera noise, like the noise the old Superfriends shows used to segway into a different scene. I’ve never heard anything like that noise in LOTRO before, but I like it. It makes me think we’re about to go see what the Wonder Twins are up to (form of: a HOT ELF MAIDEN!!!). Gleek’s probably havin’ a wank.

LOTR Tabletop Wargame

Like Warhammer and 40k, Games Workshop also produces a tabletop wargame based on the Lord of the Rings. It’s more based on the Peter Jackson films than the books, or Bakshi’s film, but that’s ok because the miniatures look frackin awesome.

The Lord of the Rings tabletop game is played exactly the same way as Warhammer. You pick your army (Rohan Isengard, Gondor, etc.), you paint the miniatures and vehicles and terrain, then you roll dice and try to out-strategerize your opponent on the field of high fantasy battle.

The main reason I’m bringing up this game isn’t just because we talked about tabletop games yesterday, although that is a part of it. The main reason is because I wanted to show you some good photography (as opposed to my photos yesterday which could have been taken by a drunk manatee) of some pro-painted LOTR game miniatures.

These miniatures were shared with theonering.net on our message board, by member reags. You can go over to that original thread HERE.

All photos were taken by reags, and the mini’s were painted by Polish painter Wojtek, aka Viruk, from Independent Painters.

These are just to show you how they are s’posed to look, not how mine looked like the melted guy from the climactic battle sequence in Robocop.

As you can see here, Sauron is poised to strike you down with his giant club/mace thing. He’s even pointing at you in full-on mockery, as though he is Babe Ruth about to knock your pitiful little head into left field. You can also clearly see The Ring on his hand. Perhaps this is just moments before Isildur cut that bitch off? If so, I kinda feel bad for Sauron here, forever frozen in the moments before making the biggest mistake of his life. I can only imagine if I had a figure of myself frozen in the same way. I’d probably be holding a bottle of Tullamore Dew and have my little painted britches halfway to my knees.

Regardless of all that, this is a magnificent job. Check out the shadowing in the armor. Perfect. And like I said, the fact that the ring is so prominent just makes it that much better.

I also really love the little bits of terrain on his base. Rocks and everything! Lots of people will have a little grass, but this is perfectly textured.

This is the “Mouth of Sauron”, an emissary of the head bad guy in charge, is only seen in the book and in the Extended Edition of the Return of the King film (and in the ROTK animated film, but since this is so clearly based on the PJ movie, I’ll leave that alone). I really like this scene in Peter Jackson’s adaptation because this character is so interesting, but almost no backstory is given [in the fillum]. Despite being quite different from how he is described in the book, this look for him is just plain cool… and rather creepy like. The paint job is phenomenal. Just look at the detailing on his mount’s armor! Incredible. And once again, the textures on the base are perfect.

The Mouth of Sauron bears quite a frightening countenance in the movie. I’m guessing this may be why he was cut out of the final picture. If you are scared of him, watch this video and he might not be so scary anymore.

Here are some good old-fashioned Mordor orcs, bearing their Master’s standard of a red eye on a black field. Check out that battle damage on the swords and armor and shields! Someone has their inner Model Railroad Enthusiast cranked up to about a billion! Also, look at that drum on the left. This is similar to the Irish bodhran drum. My wife has one and I can tell you that the skin on it looks almost identical. It’s little touches like the skin on that drum that really set these pieces apart. I mean, even knowing that they’re miniatures, I’m a bit intimidated by these guys. Not the sort of chaps that you’d meet out for a malted, that’s for sure. Unless it was not malted milk but malted hobbit, ha! I am so stupid.

If you want to see more of these immaculate miniatures, the photobucket album can be viewed in its entirety  HERE. There’s tons more pics, including the Nazgul and some orcs you’ll recognize from the movie. Thanks to TORn member reags for allowing me to post these pics!

New Logo

By now you’ve definitely seen it, but here’s the official unveiling of the current fitfordragoncon.com logo! I clearly manipulated the original Dragon*Con logo (crappily, I might add) and turned that dragon into Rambogoncon! I know he has 6 arms. Or 4 arms and 2 legs. Whatever.

You know you love it. Tell your friends.

"I'm your worst nightmare..."

Posted in About Media, General dorky shit | Leave a comment

Tabletop Wargaming & 2 Week Anniversary

Posted on September 27, 2011 by bayoubabylon

338 Days until Dragon*Con 2012…

Two weeks ago today, I started this blog with absolutely no plan as to how to achieve my goal, other than “eat less, move more.” And that seems to be working. At least, I feel better about myself and just generally feel better all around, which was a huge part of the Plan to begin with. I just plain did not feel good, either physically or mentally. Now, I feel my old self starting to creep back in on little cat feet. My mind is clearer and I can concentrate a lot easier on important shit like LOTRO and reading game manuals for games I never even intend to play. If my mind is clearer now, I imagine that in 338 days I’ll be effin’ Magneto or something (I know I should’ve said Professor X for that example, but I never really cared for him and identified with Magneto more. That probably says something about me that isn’t good.).

Still, it doesn’t get any easier to wake up at 5am and go to the gym.

I always useta make fun of couples who would celebrate stupid anniversaries like “2 weeks” or “first kiss” or “1st successful buttsex”, but now I see where they’re coming from. When you’re doing something you hate, but you think it will be good for you in the long run, 2 weeks is a long ass time, and if you follow the Dr. Leo Marvin school of thought, we must take baby steps to reach our goals… which sometimes may include celebrating dumb anniversaries.

So today we lift our glasses of V8 high as we toast the 2-week anniversary of fitfordragoncon.com and a full two weeks of eating right and exercising!!! Tonight I may even have a beer!!!

Tabletop Wargaming

If you have no clue what this is, allow me to introduce to you what is, possibly, the absolute nerdiest hobby in the world, besides algebra.  A lot of people call it “miniature wargaming”, but it doesn’t really matter what you call it, it’s all the same thing.

Tabletop wargaming’s nerd cred comes from the many different aspects of the game, all of which appeal only to some little nerdy need in the back of all of our minds. Furthermore, there is a small group of people out there where every single nerdy little aspect of mini-wargaming appeals to them in a very potent way.

I will now try my best to describe the people who are really into this stuff….

1. Take one parts “Model Railroad Enthusiast”. There is some part in every single guy’s mind that loves miniature versions of real-life things. I have no idea where it comes from, but it is there. And the more realistic and detailed these mini things are, the better. And if they move around via some tiny little mechanical means, then you may as well go find something to do because a guy will sit and stare at that stupid little thing for hours on end. (side note: Mini-wargaming rarely, if ever, includes any moving mechanical parts)

But not only does this person enjoy looking at these miniature things, they must get involved.

Manufacturing tiny buildings, terrain (cliffs, mountains, grass, shrubberies, etc.), vehicles, and, of course, people (in the case of mini-wargaming, this usually means troops in uniform). Painting these things is also a huge part of the hobby. An eye for detail is crucial, which is something I don’t normally have. In fact, if you have this eye for detail, and you enjoy painting little troops and buildings, you can usually sell painted wargame miniatures in ebay for a fairly high price to people who want to play, but have no interest in the “hobby” side of the game (the paints and everything are also ridiculously overpriced, especially if you want to buy the “official” colors).

2. Take 2 parts Role Playing Game player. Why two parts? Most people who get into mini-wargaming get into it from the Dungeons & Dragons side of things, at least in my experience. Which is kind of funny, seeing as how Gygax himself came from mini-wargaming to write D&D. Apparently, his goal was to, instead of commanding huge platoons of troops, simulate being just one soldier on the field, except the field was set in a S&S world.

So two parts, because I think the majority of people who are into it are coming at it from a “gamer” kind of perspective.

3. Take 1 part Math Nerd. Like the original version of AD&D, mini-wargaming involves a ton of figgerin’. Meaning, a lot of math. The rulebook for Warhammer and Warhammer 40k, the only mini-wargames I’ve actually played, are thicker than J. Wellington Wimpy’s hamburger tab and they read like instructions for installing… erm… some complicated computer bit.

Take these three different kinds of nerds and shake vigorously…….

Voila! You have the mini-wargaming nerd. As you will undoubtedly notice, the “gaming” nerd (ingredient number two) dominates this complicated subspecies of basement dweller. For many people, ingredients one and three are merely means to an end. That “end” being actually playing the game. But! Parts 1 and 3 are there also, and cannot be ignored. In fact, there are tons of mini-wargamers out there who are mostly one of these ingredients, or at least have all three parts mixed equally. This type of person sees the preparation (building, painting, etc.) as just as much fun as the game itself. I am not one of these people. But that does not mean that I don’t appreciate the time and effort that goes into crafting all these miniature warriors and the fields of battle that they wage brutal war on.

In order to actually play a wargame, I would direct you to the Games Workshop homepage. GW makes almost all of the “big” mini-wargames. Warhammer, Warhammer 40k, and the Lord of the Rings games are all huge in certain circles of society (the ones who wargame, obviously). I can’t speak for all the guys out there who are into the “realistic” stuff (there are lots of people who play wargames, but re-enact real battles. This seems like zero fun to me, but I’m sure it’s great for people who are into that kind of thing).

Games Workshop also has real-life stores all over the place (mostly in Europe, but almost all big cities will have one). These are places where wargamers can buy new stuff (of course), but also where they can gather and compare notes, and even engage in battle, as most of the GW stores I have been into have a permanent battlefield set up so that people can play… or so they can demo how to play to possible interested parties.

I started playing Dungeons & Dragons in middle school (that would be around the ages of 12 or so, right?). The year was approximately 1988 or so, which means that Dungeons & Dragons was huge (so huge it had its own cartoon television show). It was also demonized by a lot of religious nuts for some reason, which I have never figured out, but that also gave it a feeling of rebellion and danger. I was always interested in the wargames. Like almost everyone I knew, I was fascinated with the wargames that I saw in the mall (remember that every guy has something in him that is infatuated with miniatures). We all wondered and discussed how these games were played. Was it like D&D? Or like Monopoly? I purchased fantasy boardgames like HeroQuest…

HeroQuest

… which I’ve heard goes for a lot of money on ebay. I also bought Dungeon!, which was made by TSR, the same people who made D&D. But they all paled in comparison to the colorful, painted warriors I saw in the mall.

It wasn’t until years later that I actually, FINALLY, purchased some mini’s, painted them, and played the game. Here are some pictures of a few of my Warhammer 40k dudes:

There are multiple “armies” to choose from in 40k, let me introduce my pack of Space Wolves…

Ready to go!

This pic shows a decent amount of the stuff I have. A few terrain pieces, a few well-painted guys, a few not-so-well-painted guys, the official dice (note: no 20d), and a measuring disc (used to measure things).

the frontline, ready to wolf out

In the background, you can see their leader, Logan Grimnar. No matter which army you pick, they all have their own “lore” so it’s best to pick one that you like their story. The Space Wolves are kind of rogue good guys. They are part of the Space Marines, which are the good guys, but a lot of people don’t like them because of their savage ways. Once again, I know I am a nerd. You’d never catch Logan Grimnar up in the JFZ.

A few more Space Wolves

Here’s a few guys with a gigantic bottle of Sangria behind them. I like to think the Space Wolves would approve of that.

"The streets will fill with the blood of the unbelievers!!!"

Here’s our man, Logan Grimnar, facing down the enemy. The camera was so intimidated by him that it couldn’t focus properly.

So that, without going into too much boring detail for those of you who aren’t interested, is my wargaming experience in a nutshell.

Tomorrow I want to discuss a little bit about the Lord of the Rings tabletop wargame, and show you some pictures of exactly how badass some of these miniatures can look when done right.

Posted in About Fitness, About Me, General dorky shit | Leave a comment

Back from the Sto’….

Posted on September 26, 2011 by bayoubabylon

Real quick, I wanted to share with you all the adventures I just had at the local Winn-Dixie establishment…

The biggest news, to me, is that They played a MUZAC version of the Ray Parker Jr. classic, “Ghostbusters”. Why is this interesting? In true blog form, I will make a list. A short one.

1. I am used to my childhood being raped, but it never gets any easier. Movies like “the Smurfs” and “Transformers” make me die a little inside. But this! If there is any one movie that defines my childhood years (ages 0-10), it is Ghostbusters. I don’t know who had the nerve to make a muzac version, but they’re probably the same people who thought reworking the english dub of Akira was a good idea.

2. Halloween is no longer just knocking on the door, it’s busting that mother down!!! Halloween isn’t just calling interested parties such as myself, it is forcing itself on the casual Winn-Dixie shopper by means of muzac versions of Halloween Party paradigms like Ghostbusters.

3. Is this some weird way of promoting Ghostbusters being re-released to theatres? Subliminal mind control via elevator music??? At least they didn’t remake Ghostbusters yet, and I have a feeling that the upcoming Part 3 will be a complete debacle.

So that’s it. 3 reasons why a moozac version of Ghostdingers is interesting. Told you it’d be short.

Moving on, here’s some shit I bought today…

1. Tandoori Chef Brand Palak Paneer. No idea if I spelled that right. I used my phonics skills, so hopefully 2nd grade didn’t fail me as much as it has in the past.

I got this crap because I like Indian food and figured that random spinach goop could not possibly be bad for you. WRONG, BITCH. This crap has like my entire day’s worth of fat and calories! Oh well, live and learn. It’s already in the mircrowave now, at any rate. My dad would say that you never see a fat Indian, but I would argue that they’re clearly not eating Tandoori Chef Frozen Spinach Babyshit.

((Ok, the next two have visualization techniques applied! I know I am pathetic for taking pictures of my groceries.))

2. Kashi Brand “Go Lean” Cereal Doin’s.

You can always trust the hippies at Kashi to deliver some healthy bits. This time is no different. Know how I know? Check out this pic. Zoom in if you hafta.

I even circled it for ya…
That’s right.
Fiber Twigs.
TWIGS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you are getting serious about eating healthy when you are buying breakfast cereal whose main ingredient is fiber TWIGS. That’s like a joke someone would make about vegetarians! My two-month-ago self would want to put me in a chokehold right now…
 
3. Planter’s Mixed Nut & Fruit sets
“I have seen shit that will turn you white!!!”

As you can see, there are three of them here. I did not purchase the complete set of four. So these are like the Ghostbusters before they got Winston. These were drastically on sale because “healthy fruit and nut sets” just don’t appeal to Alabama fans. The fourth one was called “Bone Health” because it proclaimed “Good Source of Calcium!” on the label. My cousin, who is in medical school by the way, told me that people who are trying to lose weight should never buy anything that claims to be an excellent source of calcium because that’s their way of tricking people into buying stuff that has tons of fat, because calcium equals loads of fatty dairy products. I’m pretty sure that pizza is an excellent source of calcium, for example.

Also, these are called “NUT-rition”. Whoever came up with that has, at the least, a 4th grade education and should probably be weeded out from the gene pool. I doubt the Mad Men would have ever come up with that one.

4. Quaker “Vanilla Creme Brulee” Rice Cakes

The big story with these is that this flavor has LESS fat than the “salt & pepper” ones I got last week. How the blazes does that happen? How can “creme brulee” have less fat than “salt & pepper”. I am now sure that the “salt & pepper” that Quaker uses is some derivative of whale blubber. I’m assuming that the “salt & pepper” ones are probably an excellent source of calcium. And whoever came up with the idea to flavor rice cakes as anything resembling “creme” is either a genius or a madman. I’m thinking both. A mad genius. Like Fronkenshteeen. Here’s that pic…. Which would you choose?

“Wait for the creme…”

That foul-minded Quaker. Look at him with his hat and puritan clothings. He probably has planned to slowly poison my ass for being Catholic. A nouveau Inquisition, carried out against people who are trying to lose weight (because, let’s face it, no person who is determined to eat only tasty things looks twice at the rice cake section.)

So there it is. Adventures in Shopping. Two big posts in one day. I may take tomorrow off. Today was patch day at LOTRO, lucky you. Lucky you 3 views I get per day. Go play the lotto because Lady Luck is currently making herself your own personal Dionysus.

((but not mine, apparently, as wordpress just deleted a ton of my stuff, and the parts it didn’t delete it effed up so bad that I, basically, had to re-do this entire post. Curse you, wordpress, curse you.)))

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