Back from the Sto’….

Real quick, I wanted to share with you all the adventures I just had at the local Winn-Dixie establishment…

The biggest news, to me, is that They played a MUZAC version of the Ray Parker Jr. classic, “Ghostbusters”. Why is this interesting? In true blog form, I will make a list. A short one.

1. I am used to my childhood being raped, but it never gets any easier. Movies like “the Smurfs” and “Transformers” make me die a little inside. But this! If there is any one movie that defines my childhood years (ages 0-10), it is Ghostbusters. I don’t know who had the nerve to make a muzac version, but they’re probably the same people who thought reworking the english dub of Akira was a good idea.

2. Halloween is no longer just knocking on the door, it’s busting that mother down!!! Halloween isn’t just calling interested parties such as myself, it is forcing itself on the casual Winn-Dixie shopper by means of muzac versions of Halloween Party paradigms like Ghostbusters.

3. Is this some weird way of promoting Ghostbusters being re-released to theatres? Subliminal mind control via elevator music??? At least they didn’t remake Ghostbusters yet, and I have a feeling that the upcoming Part 3 will be a complete debacle.

So that’s it. 3 reasons why a moozac version of Ghostdingers is interesting. Told you it’d be short.

Moving on, here’s some shit I bought today…

1. Tandoori Chef Brand Palak Paneer. No idea if I spelled that right. I used my phonics skills, so hopefully 2nd grade didn’t fail me as much as it has in the past.

I got this crap because I like Indian food and figured that random spinach goop could not possibly be bad for you. WRONG, BITCH. This crap has like my entire day’s worth of fat and calories! Oh well, live and learn. It’s already in the mircrowave now, at any rate. My dad would say that you never see a fat Indian, but I would argue that they’re clearly not eating Tandoori Chef Frozen Spinach Babyshit.

((Ok, the next two have visualization techniques applied! I know I am pathetic for taking pictures of my groceries.))

2. Kashi Brand “Go Lean” Cereal Doin’s.

You can always trust the hippies at Kashi to deliver some healthy bits. This time is no different. Know how I know? Check out this pic. Zoom in if you hafta.

I even circled it for ya…
That’s right.
Fiber Twigs.
TWIGS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you are getting serious about eating healthy when you are buying breakfast cereal whose main ingredient is fiber TWIGS. That’s like a joke someone would make about vegetarians! My two-month-ago self would want to put me in a chokehold right now…
 
3. Planter’s Mixed Nut & Fruit sets
“I have seen shit that will turn you white!!!”

As you can see, there are three of them here. I did not purchase the complete set of four. So these are like the Ghostbusters before they got Winston. These were drastically on sale because “healthy fruit and nut sets” just don’t appeal to Alabama fans. The fourth one was called “Bone Health” because it proclaimed “Good Source of Calcium!” on the label. My cousin, who is in medical school by the way, told me that people who are trying to lose weight should never buy anything that claims to be an excellent source of calcium because that’s their way of tricking people into buying stuff that has tons of fat, because calcium equals loads of fatty dairy products. I’m pretty sure that pizza is an excellent source of calcium, for example.

Also, these are called “NUT-rition”. Whoever came up with that has, at the least, a 4th grade education and should probably be weeded out from the gene pool. I doubt the Mad Men would have ever come up with that one.

4. Quaker “Vanilla Creme Brulee” Rice Cakes

The big story with these is that this flavor has LESS fat than the “salt & pepper” ones I got last week. How the blazes does that happen? How can “creme brulee” have less fat than “salt & pepper”. I am now sure that the “salt & pepper” that Quaker uses is some derivative of whale blubber. I’m assuming that the “salt & pepper” ones are probably an excellent source of calcium. And whoever came up with the idea to flavor rice cakes as anything resembling “creme” is either a genius or a madman. I’m thinking both. A mad genius. Like Fronkenshteeen. Here’s that pic…. Which would you choose?

“Wait for the creme…”

That foul-minded Quaker. Look at him with his hat and puritan clothings. He probably has planned to slowly poison my ass for being Catholic. A nouveau Inquisition, carried out against people who are trying to lose weight (because, let’s face it, no person who is determined to eat only tasty things looks twice at the rice cake section.)

So there it is. Adventures in Shopping. Two big posts in one day. I may take tomorrow off. Today was patch day at LOTRO, lucky you. Lucky you 3 views I get per day. Go play the lotto because Lady Luck is currently making herself your own personal Dionysus.

((but not mine, apparently, as wordpress just deleted a ton of my stuff, and the parts it didn’t delete it effed up so bad that I, basically, had to re-do this entire post. Curse you, wordpress, curse you.)))

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