Monthly Archives: September 2011

Yesterday a friend of mine asked me if I was still keeping up with the “fit” side of fitfordragoncon.com. It made me realize that I haven’t had a post about fitnessing in a little while, and also made me remember why I started this blog in the first place: so that I would have someone to be accountable to for my own journey towards being fit (that would be you, the audience, if you are out there). I also started it hoping that more people would come on here and discuss their own fitness goals, without the shame of being humiliated for who we are as “geeks” (although, to be honest, I don’t like being called a nerd or geek. I prefer just being acknowledged for sometimes having eccentric interests). That hasn’t happened yet, but I’m not going to give up hope that fitfordragoncon.com will, someday, be a place for just that. Even if it’s after Dragon*Con 2012 and we’re looking forward to 2013.

I am not a fitness expert, if you can believe it. I’m just a guy who sometimes gets lumped in with a group of people who are notorious for being overweight and lazy, and I want to break that stereotype. Not just for us “persons with eccentric interests”, but for everyone to know that, just because we like comic books and video games, doesn’t mean that we also can’t be fit and trim and in shape.

Being as it is, that I’m not a fitness expert, I’ll admit that I have no clue about what I’m doing. In other words, when it comes to fitness, coming up with original fitness-related content for this website is going to be nigh on impossible, and I don’t want to just be a parrot for the “real” fitness sites, linking to them and just repeating what I read somewhere else.

But I figured, since I am a fitness novice, my audience probably is too. So why don’t I use that to my advantage and be honest about the fact that I am learning, so that maybe we can all learn together. It’ll be like some giant, eccentric-interest-based, fitness brainstorm! Or rather, it’ll be more like me trying to figure out how to elevate my fitness to the next level (that would be level 1-2, the underground one, right now) and, hopefully, attract a like-minded readership.

Now that my Mission Statement is out of the way, we can get to the meat of this post…

I refuse to buy into fitness buzzwords. Or fitness buzz-phrases, and myths or fads. My dad always says, “They’ve been trying to prove coffee’s bad for you for 50 years and they haven’t done it yet!”

This is true for a lot of things. One day they’ll say, “Eggs are bad.” Then the next day they say, “Eggs are the perfect food.” (“They” means the jackass health professionals they have on the teevee)

In the end, it usually balances out. What this means to me is that we can eat whatever we want… within reason and in moderation, and as long as we keep exercising.

I’ve been eating “good for me” stuff for a little over two weeks now, and I don’t plan on stopping any time soon, but I like to think that, as I get more and more fit, that I’ll be able to incorporate small amounts of my old favorite foods (pizza, buffalo wings, pasta, cheese, etc.). I’ve never been into junk food too much, so I don’t even worry about the next time I’ll be able to have a piece of cake or a candy bar. Most guys I know are like that; we’re not fat because of tater chips and chocolate, we’re fat from meat and potatoes: too much of it, and not enuff exercisings.

Getting back to the “eggs” thing, who can we trust? Well, if the eggs and coffee are any indicators, we can only trust ourselves to try and do the best we can.

There are some words, though, that I’ve been hearing for years and years and years, and I know they mean something healthy, but I just don’t know what, exactly, they’re talking about.

Today we’ll get to the bottom of some of these words. What they mean, and how they work. This will kinda be like the urban dictionary, I guess. Or more like, “Fitness Jeopardy for Fitness-Ignorant Geeks”.  I’ll give the word, then I’ll tell you what I think it means, then we’ll try and find out what it really means, and compare notes.

First off, here’s what got me thinking about this topic to begin with….

Observe the circled mystery words...

That’s correct. These are the healthy fruit and nut sets that I got the other day at the store. Only in this picture, I have circled the words that I don’t know, but that sound healthy as fuck. “Omega-3″ mix, “Antioxidant” mix, and “Digestive Health” mix. “Digestive Health” isn’t circled because I’m pretty sure about what that means. It means that this particular mix is gonna make you shit like a goose. I once compared this trio to the Ghostbusters, so I’m gonna say that “Digestive Health” mix is Ray, Omega-3 is Egon (clearly the nerdiest of the bunch), and “Antioxidant” is everyone’s favorite: Bill “Ghostbustin’ ass” Muwway.

I think I’ll started with “Antioxidant”….

1. ANTIOXIDANT

No clue. I have zero clue as to what an antioxidant is, or what it does. I know that hot tea is a good source of antioxidants because I drink a lot of it and people tell me that, but I just assume it is a good thing to have in your beverage. Hmmmm…. ANTI- meaning against. OXIDANT- meaning something with oxygen, I’m guessing. This doesn’t sound good. I don’t know if I want antioxidants. This probably is some word that has to do with some vaguely-hippy idea of cleansing your body of toxins. Maybe antioxidants make you sweat like a whore in church, thereby relieving you of the toxins that are somehow in your sweat glands? Ok, that’s my final answer. They cleanse you of “toxins” (whatever that is).

Now it is time to consult the Oraculum Internettum Infernus… brb. irl.

Ok, so wikipedia was the first entry that came up on the googly. I know wikipedia is about as credible as an 8 year old who just got caught with a Playboy, but it seemed to know what it was talking about. In fact, it was a little too good (i.e. technical and shit) for me to just thumb through and get a definition. The impression that I got was that no one really knows if antioxidants are good for you or not. They do prevent oxidation of something, and this something apparently may cause everything from cancer to motion sickness, though in tests, nothing has really ever been conclusive.

Is this myth busted? Well, can’t say for sure, and that’s sorta the problem. People like me hear the word “antioxidant” and think “Oh snap, that is some healthy shit right there!” But really, it may or may not be.

2. Omega-3

This is fish, right? I know everyone says fish is good for you “cuz it’s got dem Omega-Threes n shit.” But does anyone really know what an Omega-3 is? I know it’s a fatty acid, but what the devil is a “fatty” “acid”? Any kind of acid I’ve ever dealt with certainly was not fatty (pieces of paper are pretty slim, after all, gnome sayin’???). And the acid in the movies can almost eat all the way through a spacecraft! I don’t want that in my body! I’m going to guess here and say that Omega-3 is a “fatty acid” that somehow lowers your cholesterol, like by burning out blockages with acid. Final answer and whatnot.

What say you, internet? stand by…

Much like “antioxidant” the hows and whys of Omega-3′s are too complicated to get into here, but it does seem that Omega-3 is definitely good for you, unlike antioxidants which just “might” be good for you. Omega-3 is, indeed, a “fatty acid”. What the hell is a fatty acid? Here’s some witch doctor mumbo jumbo on the subject:

In chemistry, especially biochemistry, a fatty acid is a carboxylic acid with a long unbranched aliphatic tail (chain), which is either saturated or unsaturated. Most naturally occurring fatty acids have a chain of an even number of carbon atoms, from 4 to 28.^[1] Fatty acids are usually derived from triglycerides or phospholipids. When they are not attached to other molecules, they are known as “free” fatty acids. Fatty acids are important sources of fuel because, metabolized, they yield large quantities of ATP. Many cell types can use either glucose or fatty acids for this purpose. In particular, heart and skeletal muscle prefer fatty acids. The brain cannot use fatty acids as a source of fuel; it relies on glucose or ketone bodies.^[2]

What I’m gathering from this jumble of shit is that it’s the ATP’s that make fatty acids, including Omega-3, healthy. Now…. what the devil is an ATP???

STAY TUNED TOMORROW FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION OF “FITNESS JEOPARDY FOR PERSONS WITH ECCENTRIC INTERESTS”!!! INCLUDING, “WHAT THE HELL IS AN ATP???”!!!

Real quick, I wanted to share with you all the adventures I just had at the local Winn-Dixie establishment…

The biggest news, to me, is that They played a MUZAC version of the Ray Parker Jr. classic, “Ghostbusters”. Why is this interesting? In true blog form, I will make a list. A short one.

1. I am used to my childhood being raped, but it never gets any easier. Movies like “the Smurfs” and “Transformers” make me die a little inside. But this! If there is any one movie that defines my childhood years (ages 0-10), it is Ghostbusters. I don’t know who had the nerve to make a muzac version, but they’re probably the same people who thought reworking the english dub of Akira was a good idea.

2. Halloween is no longer just knocking on the door, it’s busting that mother down!!! Halloween isn’t just calling interested parties such as myself, it is forcing itself on the casual Winn-Dixie shopper by means of muzac versions of Halloween Party paradigms like Ghostbusters.

3. Is this some weird way of promoting Ghostbusters being re-released to theatres? Subliminal mind control via elevator music??? At least they didn’t remake Ghostbusters yet, and I have a feeling that the upcoming Part 3 will be a complete debacle.

So that’s it. 3 reasons why a moozac version of Ghostdingers is interesting. Told you it’d be short.

Moving on, here’s some shit I bought today…

1. Tandoori Chef Brand Palak Paneer. No idea if I spelled that right. I used my phonics skills, so hopefully 2nd grade didn’t fail me as much as it has in the past.

I got this crap because I like Indian food and figured that random spinach goop could not possibly be bad for you. WRONG, BITCH. This crap has like my entire day’s worth of fat and calories! Oh well, live and learn. It’s already in the mircrowave now, at any rate. My dad would say that you never see a fat Indian, but I would argue that they’re clearly not eating Tandoori Chef Frozen Spinach Babyshit.

((Ok, the next two have visualization techniques applied! I know I am pathetic for taking pictures of my groceries.))

2. Kashi Brand “Go Lean” Cereal Doin’s.

You can always trust the hippies at Kashi to deliver some healthy bits. This time is no different. Know how I know? Check out this pic. Zoom in if you hafta.

4. Quaker “Vanilla Creme Brulee” Rice Cakes

The big story with these is that this flavor has LESS fat than the “salt & pepper” ones I got last week. How the blazes does that happen? How can “creme brulee” have less fat than “salt & pepper”. I am now sure that the “salt & pepper” that Quaker uses is some derivative of whale blubber. I’m assuming that the “salt & pepper” ones are probably an excellent source of calcium. And whoever came up with the idea to flavor rice cakes as anything resembling “creme” is either a genius or a madman. I’m thinking both. A mad genius. Like Fronkenshteeen. Here’s that pic…. Which would you choose?

That foul-minded Quaker. Look at him with his hat and puritan clothings. He probably has planned to slowly poison my ass for being Catholic. A nouveau Inquisition, carried out against people who are trying to lose weight (because, let’s face it, no person who is determined to eat only tasty things looks twice at the rice cake section.)

So there it is. Adventures in Shopping. Two big posts in one day. I may take tomorrow off. Today was patch day at LOTRO, lucky you. Lucky you 3 views I get per day. Go play the lotto because Lady Luck is currently making herself your own personal Dionysus.

((but not mine, apparently, as wordpress just deleted a ton of my stuff, and the parts it didn’t delete it effed up so bad that I, basically, had to re-do this entire post. Curse you, wordpress, curse you.)))

339 Days Until Dragon*Con 2012…

As usual on Mondays, I got up early, snuck out of bed, and rolled up to the JFZ.

I have a severe case of the road rage. Road rage is a disease that afflicts 1 in 1 drivers across the Americas. It’s running rampant, like facebook, it’s gotten out of control. The symptoms are not only detrimental to you, but could potentially be fatal to complete strangers around you. Like when you take out a pistol and blow that stupid motherscratcher’s head off who just cut you off in traffic with his giant truck with “Roll Tide” bullshit all over it. Roll deez nuts, dog.

You may think that you just did the world a favor, and you probably did, but unfortunately our society does not tolerate vigilante justice (read a Batman comic sometime for proof. one of the good ones.).

Being as I am a sufferer of this terrible disease, I get pissed in traffic. I’ve calmed down some over the years, meaning that my symptoms are not as pronounced as they once were. For instance, instead of hanging my head out of the window and yelling at people and keeping a weapon in the car at all times, I now just honk, with an occasional flipping of the Bird. “The Secret Sign” as my dad would say. Dad useta say that when people would flip him off in traffic, “Oh, the secret sign! He must be a member!” Naturally, abiding by secret society rules, meant my dad was now obliged to give the secret sign back to them. The rituals of this club also, apparently, sometimes included impromptu street races.

But! I do get my boxer briefs in a wad sometimes while in the traffic. I especially get them in a wad, a plum knot even, when I find traffic in places, or at times, when I least expect it. Like at 5am on my way to the JFZ.

I know traffic stories are boring and, usually, it’s hard for the audience to understand exactly what happened, thereby making you, the storyteller, just seem like an asshole. Therefore, I will keep this brief…

There was a lot of traffic out on my way to the gym this morning. There usually is not, so I got extra pissed off.

My 5am drive to the gym is usually a pretty good time. It’s dark, there’s no one out, and I listen to relaxing music and drink as much water as I can stomach. When that gets disturbed, I get disturbed. Which means that I lash out and swear a lot and yell at my fellow motorists things like, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING OUT??? GO HOME AND GO BACK TO BED!!!”

I half assume that everyone else who is out is drunk or high or in a gang. Who, in their right mind, would be up and driving around at 5am? If you’re not headed to the JFZ, you should be home in bed, dreaming of the one that got away. And that is the truth.

All this hubbub in the morningtime got me all worked up, so that by the time I got to the JFZ I was ready to strangle that daggum whirling bird. It also put a cloud in my mind that prevented me from thinking straight. Therefore, I left my new Martex Brand Hospitality Hand Towel in the car. Much to my dismay, this meant I had to use the JFZ’s paper towels to wipe myself, and the equipment, off with. I realize that this is exactly what I was doing not even a week ago, but Martex Brand Hospitality Hand Towels have spoiled me with their luxurious softness and gleaming white pure-as-the-sweat-off-a-unicorn’s-balls finish. I know unicorns are played out. Fuck it, that’s how pure these towels are.

My check better be in the mail, Martex, because your towels are average. And I blame them for making me spell “Hand” like “Hnad” three times in a row. Is this a terrorist conspiracy? Martex, be honest with me, are you a front for an elite covert terrorism operation known simply as “Hnad” (which I pronounce like “huh-nod”)? I’ve got my eyes on you, “Martex”. If that is really your name.

Right! So the JFZ felt my wrath this morning, even moreso than last Monday, and last Monday I was pumped up like Schwartzenanthiggerjigger on weeeeeed, man. Mondays are always a good day for me in the gym. On Sundays I’m ready to go back, after taking Saturday off, but I wait and let my fuzzy ballfruit get good and heavy with testosterone and unleash my midlife-crisis onto whatever unsuspecting whirly birds or Trilogy of Terrors happen to be close by. When looking at it from that perspective, I think it is a good thing to take the weekends off.

Ok, so I was going to include, in this post, some stuff about tabeletop wargames, but since the word counter is telling me that I’m at over 800 words right now, the tabletop gaming post must wait… or this post is liable to end up at like 5 googleplex words. Later today I may come back and post that stuff, but I may save it for tomorrow. I hafta go to the Store today. Celery and shit, ya know…

Meantime, here’s a picture of my fitness idol. My cat. His name is Fletch, or as the dude who bags my groceries at the Store (can you tell my ADHD mind has already moved on from 5am traffic jams on the way to the JFZ… to what is going to go down at the groceria today) calls him, “MISTER Fletch.”

Yes, he is named after the Chevy Chase character. His Make is ”big black Halloween cat”, his Model is “Chantilly Tiffany”. Go ahead, do a little googly image search for “Chantilly Tiffany Cat” and you will end up with dozens, nay hundreds, of photos of Mr. Fletch.

He eats and sleeps and runs laps around our house, occasionally ambushing your feet… and he never gains an ounce of fat. Of course, if I lived on a diet of Purina Cat Chow and water, I’d be pretty thin too. Maybe I should get him a can of tuna fish at the store today… hmmm…

"That's MISTER Fletch, you fat piece of shit."